


He Should be Proud

by The_Falling_Snow



Category: Lego Ninjago
Genre: Angst, Sad, suicidal thoughts if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-03
Updated: 2019-10-03
Packaged: 2020-11-01 07:23:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20811281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Falling_Snow/pseuds/The_Falling_Snow
Summary: He should be proud of who he is and what he is. Four generations worth of cataclysmic power and entitlement made him the green ninja. But who was Lloyd?The question had eaten away at him.





	He Should be Proud

**Author's Note:**

> Internal angst/writing xp that I'm actually kind of proud of.

He should be proud.

He’s Lloyd Garmadon. No matter how he spun it, he should be honored to simply just be him. Though his father razed Ninjago twice Lloyd was an excellent warrior; a determined spirit that couldn’t be contained. He was an Oni, one of the strongest beings in all the sixteen realms, a dragon the first kind of warrior, a beast of great legends and great fear.

He was the grandson of the First Spinjitzu Master, the man who single-handedly created the world they live in, the catalyst of balance and life. A living god. 

The list went on, ultimate spinjitzu master, prophesied savior, leader of the ninja, leader of the resistance. 

All of that and he was so confused. 

Rubbing tired sleepless eyes he sat up in his bed. Cold. He couldn’t think about it, he was allowed to. Others had it worse, other’s came from nothing and would continue to live as  _ nothing _ . 

But for him, it just didn't make sense. There were a million titles and hundreds of names people could call him. He was a celebrity, a damn icon to the public.

And yet, he didn't even know who he was. It was easy enough to put on a suit and say he was the green ninja and was going to save everyone from certain doom with a look of strength and a rock to hold in the storm. 

It was easy to say that. In the privacy of his own head, he didn't know who he was. What was he? It was such a dumb question, it was so rude? 

Thoughts churning in his head made him ache. Just everywhere, he felt bruised internally like he’d had a weight on him too long, something inside of him pressing into his skin just the wrong way. It hurt in his chest. 

He should be proud of who he is and what he is. Four generations worth of cataclysmic power and entitlement made him the green ninja. But who was Lloyd?

The question had eaten away at him for weeks. Just like tonight, sleepless and hurting with phantom pains he wasn’t allowed to have. Like every other night, he meandered out to the kitchen in the dead of night fitful sleep attempts failing him once again. Peace of his own mind a lost cause on him. He made tea. 

Ginger, his father’s favorite tea. 

Lloyd didn't really like it. But Garmadon knew who he was, even when nature told him otherwise. Even when his heart turned on him, Garmadon knew who he was and he’d tell Lloyd that he would make it through anything. It warmed Lloyd inside, gave him some peace. Like he could channel the strength of his father and finally fight back against whatever was eating away at him, controlling him.

Even if it was vague advice that even Lloyd had given to people who just needed to believe in themselves. People who had time in their lives to wonder who they were. 

Lloyd’s life had a purpose. He was never a day without remembering the reason he was in this world. To stop evil, to protect the people, to be a symbol of hope for peace and light.

The hot tea burned his fingers, he needed the burn. He needed to feel something that wasn’t confusion. Or was it resentment?

He mind was racing as his body calmed into the mellow silence. Why did it hurt so much, like a physical sensation he couldn't shake. Scratching at his chest left him with scars he’s never known how to explain. 

Did it even matter? Would it ever matter that Lloyd had these pains that he couldn’t sleep at night? That he struggled to want to get up in the morning. 

It didn’t  _ not really _ . He would get up anyway, he had to. He staunched the pain so he could fight a real enemy. A real problem, his thoughts, though pitiful were not a problem. Because he was was still the green ninja all day any day he was needed. 

His tongue burned, his eyes were so heavy. But Lloyd knew that If he laid down, sleep would not find him. 

He wanted someone to understand him. He wanted everything to stop hurting so much. He wanted a choice. He wanted his father. 

His father his Sensei was dead. His shell hated him. The one thing that remained constant in his life, the one person who loved him relentlessly from the beginning. The one person who would understand his darkness. His father was the only person Lloyd really ever believed. 

Something ugly burned in his gut, a pang of hurt and guilt in his chest. Conflicted. 

Closing his eyes he gripped the counter and willed the pain away.

The guilt of not wanting it anymore. 

The hurt of not being understood. 

The irony of it all. 

The ginger drained his energy, his powers twisting in his veins pushed under a heavy sedative. 

There would be no tears tonight

The green ninja doesn't cry.


End file.
